I discovered after many relationships, that I did not need to lose my own identity to be with someone. I used to have it like when I was in a relationship whatever the other person needed was more important than my needs. Every relationship that I was in that went this way and soon I became one of feeling neglected and used constantly. It took me a long time to see that it was not THEM that were making me feel this way. It was my own actions and who I was being in the relationship that had these emotions coming on.
It was so easy when starting a new relationship to blame others for how I was “feeling”….like they were doing something to me that I couldn’t stop.
In truth, I was trying to “fit the mold” that I thought they wanted so that I would be more lovable to them. Isn’t it crazy what we do as humans? I cannot be the only one who has done this! We really do train people how to treat us!
When I stopped caring so much about what the other person thought or needed all the time and began to concentrate on what it was I needed or thought I became a strong woman who made her own choices. I was no longer stopped by what they may think. It is not even that I stopped caring all together or became selfish, I still cared. There is a fine line between being there for another human being and being there for YOURSELF.
I learned that when I value myself and my opinions and take care of me first then it is so much easier to be there for someone else. This even rang true with regards to my fitness. As soon as I began to take care of myself physically by creating a workout plan AND sticking to it, I began to grown strong mentally and physically and no longer depended on the thoughts or opinions of others. I became very independent.
For some, it is hard to see how fitness can really be so important in that. Think of it this way, when you are happy in your body…..you know when you put that NEW dress on and it just slides over your body and you didn’t have to “tuck” anything in. It just fits perfect….or that moment when you do your hair and every curl falls exactly where you wanted it….or you do your makeup and you know you look hot? It is a sensation of being on top of the world….like nobody can knock you down. Fitness provides that to your body without needing to “fix up” your hair or makeup. It is not completely outer body need. Fitness supports you both inside and out! You can’t put a bandaid on how you feel on the inside like you can with makeup and curling irons. That stuff just hides the REAL YOU.
With working out, you can look like a sweaty mess BUT your confidence in that moment of having completed a class or lifting a certain amount of weights you have never done before or running that extra mile when you thought you may not be able to……THAT is the moment that your confidence and who you are soars!
I am often a sweaty mess. Living in my workout gear. I can tell you one thing though….through fitness, I know who I am, what I stand for and exactly what I want in my relationships. What I will compromise for and what I won’t because at the end of the day I know I am worth it.
Loving yourself first and knowing who you are will give you the confidence and determination to find the right relationship for you. Never settle for anything less. Fitness is freedom in relationships and in your life.
I can help you find the plan that works for you! Let me.
Tammy has mad skills in supporting women (and men) in discovering who they are and what they want out of life. If you are ready to take your love life and your love of yourself life to the next level, write to her now. First consultation call is free.